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The other night in bed, as usual, I started making a mental to-do list: "I need to send out a newsletter. I have some exciting things coming up to share. I want to redesign my website; I'll look into that tomorrow. I need to create a page on the site for the 2025 retreats," and so on. I allowed these thoughts to drift by as I concentrated on relaxing and sleeping, but one thought didn't just pass through. It came in loud and clear, stopping the flow of thoughts entirely and capturing my attention: "You should write your blog again." I liked this thought. I love writing and it has been a long time since the last blog post on my site.
The blog thoughts continued and another one hooked me. This one was a question. "What is the purpose of the blog anyway?" Many many thoughts came in with that question and here is the answer I decided on. I think the purpose is to relate, connect, reflect and inspire. I host events and teach classes and I think it's important that you can relate to a teacher or facilitator. Every time I have shared personally in a blog I've been given the oppotunity to connect with someone new or with someone on a deeper level. I am an external processor. Reflection is so important and as those close to me know I need to get it out, talk it out (I'm grateful to all my friends for listening) write it out or most recently, send voice notes aka "podcasts" to my loved ones. Inspiration is the biggest one. The last blog I put out received so much feedback about inspiration. People felt inspired to take on new challenges, have an adventure or just focus on themselves more. That felt the best.
So here are some reflections on the past year that I hope you can relate to. I hope this helps us connect, helps me process some of my stuff and most of all I hope you find some inspiration in my journey.
2024 started out with a bang. I went through a rough breakup in December which had me starting the new year 41 years old and single. I am survived by the amazing friends who were there for me while I crumbled a bit and of course my truly incredible relentlessly supportive family.
This break up sent me spiraling into some old patterns, feeling sorry for myself and of course hitting the dating apps to ease the pain of loss. Fortunately I met some very kind men online whom I am still connected to but alas I remain single to this day. I had a wonderful birthday (mine is in January) and then headed down to Costa Rica in February as I have for the past 2 years. This Costa Rica trip was extra special because I was a guest host at a retreat center that I had fantasized about facilitating at the previous year.
Here is an inspiring moment: I am so proud of myself for making this retreat happen and becoming a guest host at Anamaya Resort. This place is a utopia in the jungle and basically I marched in there and asked how I could become a host and made it happen. I had the 2024 retreat lined up before I returned to Canada in 2023. This retreat helped me grow as a teacher and leader. The resort is so incredible that not only did the guests transform and heal but I did too. I became this confident amazing instructor, teacher and facilitator that I almost didn't recognize. I am off to host again this February and I am bursting with self love and deep (healthy) pride for this accomplishment. I connected with friends and other inspirational beings in the jungle that allows me to call it home for a few months a year. I visited my horse and human friends at Horse Spirit Healing and ironed out details for 2 other retreat experiences in different regions of Costa Rica. It was my shortest trip to Costa Rica yet, but it was so full of love, connection and inspiration. I returned feeling on top of the world which was a nice shift after the shitty, yucky, sad break up energy.
I returned in March and the adventure kept on rolling. Before the break up I had been doing short term rentals and staying some of the time with my ex. I technically didn't have a place to live of my own, most of my things were in storage and some very amazing friends let me stay with them until I left for Costa Rica. But ... I needed a place to stay for 3 weeks between returning from Costa Rica and heading to Nevada on the next adventure.
The universe showed up to help. I was referred to friends of friends to take care of their farm while they went on vacation. Perfect. Well not perfect ... the farm was beautiful and wonderful but proved to be a lot for me to handle on my own and I was a bit overwhelmed. In came my parents and some very special friends to save the day! You either have to be a truly good hearted person or really love someone to help them shovel pig shit. I am so grateful to have those kinds of people in my life. I loved every second that I got to spend with my parents and friends in that farm house enjoying the fire the dogs and cats but we all agreed we could do without the pigs. There is no repaying all the kind souls that showed up to help with this. I just have to keep loving you all with all my heart and hope its enough.
After the farm stay (which really was incredible) I was packed up again to head to one of my favorite places to be with some more of my favorite horse and human friends. Starr Horse Retreats.
I have the deep honor and privilege to be a part of the Shamanic Horse Healing Retreat at this amazing farm for a few years now but this visit was extra special. I enrolled to be part of the first in person immersive 4 week Whole Horse Whole Human Program. This program changed my life and my connection to horses. I could write an entire book on this program and my experiences (and i just might) but for now just know it was incredible. I spent 6 weeks in the desert learning positive reinforcement training for horses and growing in ways I never thought possible. Here's another inspiring moment. Toward the end of the course I knew I wasn't done. I wanted to work towards becoming an instructor of this program and take more of a leadership role in the horse world. I wrote a proposal to the program heads and created a position for myself as an assistant so that I could support my new friends in running an amazing program as well as learn and grow more myself. They accepted my proposal and I was set to return in the fall.
I came back to have a really nice summer with friends, horses and family. I taught my yoga classes at the beloved Soul Set Studio, enjoyed Georgian Bay and it's beautiful beaches, dated some really fun people, spent a ton of time with the herd at Mindfully Wild Sanctuary and continued to process my break up. I had a nice place to stay, enjoyed the cottage with my family and kept in close touch with my Nevada friends. The one thing I didn't do in the summer was continue my learning and training with the horses. I was trying to make fast money before the fall and it was hard to find horse time between jobs. I was really missing the horses. In July I made the decision to return to Nevada earlier than originally planned. My instructor and friend started a horse rescue and I was dying to learn and help out. She graciously agreed to host me, help continue my studies and let me participate in the rescue and I was so excited! Another close friend in Nevada also included me in so many fun and exciting plans I couldn't wait to go. Then I broke my hand.
The hand is another story that could go on for a while but to keep it to the main things you need to know ... They told me to have surgery, I didn't and I was now headed out to an off grid horse rescue in the desert with a broken hand. Hopefully you find that inspiring. It was somewhat crazy but I have developed a lot of trust in myself and the universe. It all worked out. The 10 weeks that I spent between Starr Horse Retreats, Hoofbeat Hero's Equine Rescue and my training with Haven Horsemanship is one of the most profound journeys I have ever taken. The people who support and inspire me, the horses who have healed parts of me I didn't even know needed healing and simply being in the presence of those mountains is something I still don't know how to express gratitude for. I am proud of myself for making my dreams come true.
After the program concluded we got ready for The Shamanic Horse Healing Retreat. The herd of healing horses and humans showed up in ways that are indescribable with just words. Truly an experience of a lifetime that I can't believe I get to be a part of twice every year. The support of my friends and the horses shot me to new heights. I came out feeling awakened, alive and more in touch with my gifts than ever. I also became a local TV personality in Tahoe thanks to my amazing friends. That's another blog entirely but it was really cool to be able to share about horses on actual live (local) TV.
I returned to Georgian Bay at the end of October. I came back to the love of my family, a fantastic community, a very fun job guiding horseback trail rides and so much support. I settled into a new living space and I have been unpacking and nesting, working and trying to connect with all of the amazing beings I am so lucky to have in my life.
For the most part I am completely in love with my life. There have been many struggles inside of all of the adventure, love and beauty. This was a year of a lot of movement and it sometimes feels a little ungrounded. I learned to practice grounding methods to help me feel a little less displaced. I feel lonely and miss having a romantic partner very much. But I will say it again I am in love with my life and 2024 has been a year full of so much life and love I could barely handle it.
I am still reeling from this year that was full of movement, processing, learning, growing, heartbreak, friendship, family, love and so so so so much more. This feels like such a big year. A very deep year. Deep connections with friends and family and horses! Deep connection to myself and my purpose. It's starting to slowly become clear to me why I'm here and what I'm doing. I hope this was a fun read for you. I simply love this life and I hope I can inspire some of that love in anyone reading this. I can feel love even for the struggles and challenges. I love quiet simple moments as well as loud adventures. I love to create and play and I really love to rest. I start this winter season with a commitment to rest and inner discovery. I am committed to following winter's example and making time to sleep, to be with myself, to drink hot chocolate and connect with those I love and to find the time to hibernate. To regenerate and to prepare for the next season of growth.
This year let me play in the jungle, ride horses in the ocean, lay in the mountains with wild horses, swim in our cold fresh waters, lay on our beaches, paddle our lakes and rivers, sleep under the stars and so much more. This is available and possible for all of us. I haven't even scratched the surface of everything that happened this year. This is just a quick summary of a few key points. I can't keep us here forever. I have a few events coming up and things to share with you all but before I send out a newsletter it felt important to share some more personal feelings and experiences. I would love to hear from you too. I love to connect, reflect and inspire. I love the communities, friends and families that I get to be a part of. I am grateful for this wild and precious life. Here's to you and your wild and precious life.
Thank you for reading I can't wait to connect with you
Love Pamela
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